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Mashups That Would Never Work

On the Interweb these days, it’s all about the Mash-Ups, baby. Take Google Maps and put Flickr photos on there, or get the number for the closest Liquor Delivery service simply by clicking where you live on a Google Map. Or use Google Maps to show you where people have been stashing crap for you to find.

Well, I’m going to give you a few mashups that will never work: Because they have nothing to do with Google Maps.

Bacardi Breast Implants
Sounds like a pretty good idea to me, especially if we could get some of the flavoured stuff in there. But I think the ladies would get tired of having to go back to the doctor for refills all the time.

The Nerf Telephone
The only customers would be Russell Crowe and Naomi Campbell, so it would never sell more than a few units. Come to think of it, Naomi seems to throw a lot of stuff, so maybe there could actually be something in this for the Nerf people after all…

Preparation “E”
Haemorrhoid cream with the “kick” of 10% Ecstasy. Cool your ‘rhoids and start your jets!

Samuel L. Jackson’s School of MFin’ Etiquette
“I TOLD you not to MAKE eye contact with the mfin’ QUEEN, mfer!”
“DO NOT stab that MF’ING SNAKE with that MF’IN SALAD FORK, BITCH!”
Oh, this is too good…
“YES they deserved to DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!”

Hall’s Mentholated Crack
Perhaps a bit of a stretch, but if you were to take some Halls and bust them up they do look like little crack rocks already. And, with soothing Menth-O-Lyptus (sp?), your throat will never have felt better after hitting the pipe.

The Disease of the Month Club
I guess you could give it to people you really didn’t like.

Viagratussin DM
Yes, the same Viagra we all know and love, but mashed up with Robitussin DM. Not only can you get your groove on, but there won’t be any coughing or wheezing while you’re getting yours. Just like the old days!

The GPS Mother
“Oh, are you sure you should be going into this part of town? My friend Betty went there two weeks ago and had to leave before they stole her hubcaps, I tell you!”
“You know I don’t like you visiting this girls house, Thomas. She’s a bad influence on you. When are you getting married?”
“This is two blocks away from where I live and you’re not going to come for a visit?”

Got any mashup ideas of your own that would never work? Leave a comment, damnit!

Published inHumorSenseless Rants

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